Just made it through immunotherapy nu.2
I am aware that many folks do not have the privilege that I have been given to experience that strange and painful adventure called cancer treatment.
Perhaps what I can “give back” through my experience is an onsite tour.
When I was told that my cancer had returned and metastasized into more lymph nodes, it was easy not to have to get my mind around it because I couldn’t feel any cancer brewing in my left leg. I went on “business as usual”. However, the medical establishment would not allow that, I was scheduled for this test and that test, for this specialist and that specialist, etc. – all of whom gravely warned me that my life was now “hanging by a thread”! (Bob Marley died of acral lentiginous melanoma, which started in his foot. Thank God they haven’t offered to amputate my left leg!)
Suddenly, I got hit with a double whammy – strong bronchitis (or possibly Valley Fever), which turned into pneumonia, which ended up accompanied by dehydration (because I was drinking too much green tea to fight the cancer, and not enough just plain water). It’s easy to slip out of a proper balance!
No sooner was I pumped up with a whole new bunch of strong chemical meds, than I was sent in for immunotherapy. the cumulative effects (about which I had no clue what they would be – but they would be “out of this world”!
I felt like I had been dropped off onto an empty, ice cold planet in outer space. Sitting there, I contemplated what I needed to do to survive? Next steps become traumatically confusing when everything is on totally unfamiliar terrain!
Well not entirely. Having people like you keeping in contact with me, encouraging me (instead of blaming me), praying for me, helping me, etc. has been a little life raft that I could sit on and stay buoyed up.
When there is a physical upheaval and reality turns upside down, it affects the spiritual. I understand now the missionary who exclaimed that it’s useless to tell people who are starving to death that Jesus loves them and they must have faith (unless you’re starving with them!). It’s hard to accept the spiritual, when the basic physical needs are not being met. In my case, I’ve been going through a debilitating brain fog, which makes it difficult to get my mind around what I need to do next, much less do anything about it! It’s been impossible for me to write coherently or communicate coherently. Putting my thoughts in order becomes just too much to deal with (even being able to get into the Word and absorb it has been impossible. That’s been a tough one because getting into the Word and communicating with the Lord, is my source of strength). Turns out, the fatigue was coming from both the immunotherapy and some of the meds, so I got a double dose of it!
By far the most frustrating part of it all is the fatigue. I never totally understood before how debilitating fatigue is. I am now humbled and repentant for being self-righteous and critical of folks along the way who I thought were pampering themselves, without realizing what they were probably really going through!
Today I had an interesting conversation with the Indian oncologist who does my immunotherapy. He told me that he’s had dreams where he was floating in a stormy sea surrounded by people hanging onto pieces of wood, desperately trying to stay afloat. Those pieces of wood were his tools of the oncological trade. It was all he had to work with. Then he said to me: “I know that you’re looking for a total miracle of complete healing. Well, it could happen. The PET SCAN / MRI coming up the first week of June will show that. But, just perhaps, the miracle you got is that your immune treatments have been accepted to be covered for the duration of the therapy schedule of one year.” In that case God wants to use us! Food for thought!
One important thing I realized is that I need to adjust my sensation of being stuck on an icy, distant, planet in outer space to include that I am still alive! There’s a sense of purpose included in that realization. I keep forgetting that I’m not alone! My enjoyment of creation has convinced me that a loving Creator created all of those planets (along with everything else) precisely for He and I to enjoy together. He is right there with me even in the strange and unfamiliar. In the past, He’s always instructed me what to do step by step to survive, so why would He stop now. Plus, He’s probably preparing the appearance of a spaceship to take me to the next new thing, when it’s the right moment!

